How to Reflect, Let Go and Make Space for the New
Jan 17, 2025
The truth is, we love setting goals, especially at the start of a new year. There’s that fresh energy, a spark of motivation, and the belief that this time it’s going to work. But how often does that motivation last? By March or April (if we’re lucky), our New Year’s resolutions are collecting dust, and we’re left wondering, What happened?
Here’s the hard truth: without reflecting on what held us back in the past, we’re likely to repeat the same patterns.
So, let’s explore the role of reflection, emotional discomfort, and self-forgiveness in navigating growth—and why these elements are the secret ingredients to achieving your goals.
Why Reflection is Hard (But Necessary)
Reflection can feel uncomfortable. Why? Because when we reflect, we often come face-to-face with emotions like shame, guilt, regret, or frustration. These emotions stem from the gap between where we are and where we want to be.
But here’s the thing: if you avoid the discomfort of reflecting, you avoid the opportunity to grow.
Reflection is like holding up a mirror. It helps you:
- Understand the habits and patterns that keep you stuck.
- Acknowledge your progress and celebrate your wins.
- Identify the emotional baggage you need to release to move forward.
It’s not about beating yourself up—it’s about growing through self-awareness and compassion.
Three Challenges to Overcome When Reflecting
1. Emotional Overwhelm
When we look back on unmet goals or past failures, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by emotions like shame or regret. These feelings can make you want to avoid reflection altogether.
Example:
I once had a goal to adopt a healthier diet. Every year, I started strong, only to fall back into old habits by February. What I didn’t realize was that I was using food as a way to numb emotional pain. Until I addressed the root cause of my binge eating—unprocessed emotions—I couldn’t sustain change.
EQ Strategy:
- Approach reflection with curiosity, not judgment.
- Ask yourself: What’s the real reason I didn’t achieve this goal?
- Acknowledge the emotions that come up and give yourself permission to feel them without attaching a negative narrative.
2. The Discomfort of Growth
Growth isn’t easy. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone, which triggers the brain’s “threat detection” system. Anything unfamiliar feels risky, even if it’s good for you.
Two Dimensions of Growth Discomfort:
- The Unfamiliar: Trying something new feels awkward or uncomfortable.
- Past Emotional Experiences: Failures from the past can create fear or self-doubt in the present.
Example:
When I started my journey as an entrepreneur, I faced constant discomfort. Coming from a stable job at NATO, I was used to security. Suddenly, I had to navigate uncertainty, face fears about failure, and learn entirely new skills. It was uncomfortable, but that discomfort pushed me to grow.
EQ Strategy:
- Reframe discomfort as a sign of growth.
- Remind yourself: Discomfort means I’m stretching beyond what’s familiar.
3. Comparison to Others
Social media and workplace dynamics make it easy to fall into the trap of comparison. When you see someone achieving what seems like “light-years” of progress, it can make you feel inadequate or unworthy.
Example:
For years, I compared myself to others—whether it was colleagues at work or entrepreneurs on social media. I’d think, They’re so far ahead of me. I’ll never catch up. This mindset kept me stuck and drained my energy.
EQ Strategy:
- Focus on You: The only person you should compare yourself to is the version of you from yesterday.
- Reframe Comparison: If you admire someone’s achievements, tell yourself: Thank you for showing me what’s possible.
- Channel that energy into action: What can I do today to get closer to my goals?
Self-Forgiveness: The Missing Piece
It’s impossible to move forward if you’re holding onto shame, regret, or self-blame. Forgiveness is key—not just forgiving others, but forgiving yourself.
Failures aren’t the enemy; they’re stepping stones. They show you what doesn’t work so you can adjust your approach.
Practice Self-Forgiveness:
- Acknowledge your past mistakes or setbacks without judgment.
- Ask yourself: What can I learn from this experience?
- Release the emotional weight by affirming: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.
Why Gratitude is Your Secret Weapon
Gratitude isn’t just about being thankful for what you have—it’s about shifting your mindset to focus on possibility rather than lack.
When you reflect with gratitude, you:
- Appreciate how far you’ve come.
- Recognize the lessons in your challenges.
- Cultivate hope and motivation for the future.
Example:
During a particularly tough time as a single mom, I learned to be grateful for the challenges that forced me to grow. Gratitude shifted my focus from what’s wrong to what’s possible, allowing me to persevere and eventually thrive.
How to Use Reflection to Crush Your Goals in 2025
1️⃣ Reflect Back
Take stock of what worked and what didn’t this past year. Be honest with yourself, but approach this with compassion.
2️⃣ Identify Patterns
What habits, beliefs, or emotional baggage are holding you back? Write them down so you can address them.
3️⃣ Reframe Growth
Instead of fearing discomfort, embrace it as part of the process. Growth isn’t supposed to be easy—it’s supposed to stretch you.
4️⃣ Set Intentions, Not Just Goals
Before setting your goals, set an intention: What do I want to feel, achieve, and embody in 2025?
5️⃣ Focus on Systems
Goals are great, but systems and habits are what create long-term success. Develop daily or weekly actions that align with your intentions.
Closing Thoughts: Mastering the Inner Game
Achieving your goals isn’t just about hard work—it’s about mastering the inner game. Emotional intelligence gives you the tools to:
- Reflect without judgment,
- Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth, and
- Build the habits, mindset, and resilience to keep going.
As you prepare for 2025 (or whatever year you’re watching this), remember: growth takes time, patience, and consistent effort. But with reflection, self-forgiveness, and gratitude, you’ll feel lighter, more focused, and ready to crush your goals.
💬 What’s one lesson you’ve learned from reflecting on the past year? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear from you!
Let’s make 2025 your most empowered year yet. 💙