I Must Have Been Around 13 or 14 Years Old

Every day after school, I’d slip in through the backdoor of our shed, park my bicycle, and pull a long skirt over my shorts. It was summertime, but my parents had made it clear—I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts. They didn’t want me showing any leg at school.

At that age, we’re rebels in our own quiet ways—not because we want to stand out, but because we want so badly to fit in. So, I always carried a long skirt in my backpack, just in case my parents were home when I got back. I’d rush upstairs to change before they saw me.

This routine went on for years—until the day my mother found out. That was the day I stopped wearing shorts. And skirts. Altogether.

A Parent’s Love & My Own Understanding

I don’t blame my parents. Everything they did came from a place of love and protection. Now, as a mother myself, I understand. When I see young girls barely dressed, I don’t judge—I worry.

I worry about the kind of attention they might attract, the kind that doesn’t honor their free will to dress as they like.

At the same time, I grew up in an environment where people’s opinions were the blueprint for reality. We lived in a small Dutch town called Oisterwijk, where everyone knew:

• Each other
• Their families
• Their choices

News traveled fast—faster than a bicycle ride across town. Within days, it would land in the gossip circles of the men’s tea club or the visiting mothers.

My Mother’s Silent Battles

My mother cared deeply about what others thought of her and her family. She had grown up in an environment where she wasn’t allowed to be herself, forced to adapt from a young age.

Her life was far from easy—probably double the pain and struggles I endured. When she became a mother, she carried that mindset with her.

People’s opinions mattered—far more than they should have.

Now? She cares much less. Ever since we lost my father, she’s realized that nothing matters more than love, peace of mind, and living life on your own terms—without others meddling in your business.

Carrying That Burden Into Adulthood

For decades, I carried that mindset with me. It followed me into my:

• Teenage years
• Early adulthood

It was exhausting—an invisible weight pressing down on me every single day. I constantly wondered:

What will they say if I choose a different path?

If I do something unexpected but true to my heart?

If I dare to live life on my own terms?

Even in the small moments—like speaking up in meetings—I felt paralyzed by the fear of judgment.

The Shame of a Title

Performance anxiety consumed me. I worked tirelessly, over-delivering just to prove I was enough.

And then, there was the shame.

Shame for being a secretary.

For being seen as “less than” my colleagues simply because of a title.

I had people look down on me, put me in my place, dismiss my ideas just because they weren’t “supposed” to come from someone like me.

I endured humiliation rituals—like being sent to shred papers during important meetings so I wouldn’t be included.

Being reminded, over and over, that I was “just” a secretary and should stay silent.

Being called in only to serve coffee and take notes, never to contribute.

The Irony of Success

The irony? Years later, when I became a Senior Executive and had a rightful seat at the table, I actually enjoyed serving coffee.

Because by then, I was at peace.

I had let go of the labels. It was an act of kindness, nothing more.

Even the General Manager, a Dutchman, served coffee. It was never about the task—it was about the meaning we assigned to it.

Looking back, I wish I could tell my younger self:

💡 You are enough. You don’t need their approval to be worthy of respect.

💡 You are smart, brave, and strong.

💡 How others treat you is a reflection of their own insecurities, not your worth.

And most of all, I would tell her this:

Every challenge you face will one day become a stepping stone.

A piece of the puzzle that shapes the most powerful, authentic version of you.

Life Is a School

A journey filled with moments of both joy and pain. It teaches us to:

✔️ Evolve

✔️ Rise above our fears

✔️ Choose differently

But we can’t evolve if we let other people’s opinions define our reality.

That’s what this newsletter is about today—breaking free from the weight of external validation so you can soar.

Like an eagle in the infinite sky.

Are you ready to fly?

Let’s dive in. 🚀✨

How to Stop Caring What People Think

Not caring what people think is one of the most common personal development goals, yet many struggle to break free from societal validation, judgment, and fear of rejection.

Below are the key challenges people face when trying to detach from others' opinions and build unshakable inner confidence.

The reflection prompts and affirmations in this edition are designed to help you shift your perspective and reframe your thoughts—so instead of feeling fear when these challenges arise, you feel strength, clarity, and personal power.

Let’s dive in! 🚀

1. Breaking Free from the Need for Approval

Humans are naturally wired for social acceptance. From childhood, we’re conditioned to seek validation—from parents, teachers, peers, and society. Over time, this external approval can become a powerful emotional dependency, shaping how we see ourselves and our worth. But true confidence isn’t built on what others think—it comes from within.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Whose approval am I still seeking, and why?
2. What parts of myself have I silenced or hidden to gain acceptance?
3. How would my life change if I fully trusted my own inner guidance instead of relying on external validation?

Affirmations for Self-Acceptance:

🌿 My worth is not defined by others' opinions—I am enough as I am.

🌿 I release the need for approval and embrace my true, authentic self.

🌿 I trust my inner voice and stand confidently in my own truth.

The more you honor your own voice, the less power external validation will have over you. It’s time to step into your own light—without waiting for permission. 

2. Releasing the Fear of Rejection & Social Exclusion

Many of us fear that if we express our true selves, we will be judged, criticized, or even excluded. This fear runs deep, especially in work environments, social circles, and family dynamics, where the pressure to "fit in" can feel overwhelming. But true belonging isn’t about pleasing everyone—it’s about being accepted for who you truly are.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Where in my life am I holding back my true self out of fear of rejection?
2. Have I ever rejected or abandoned parts of myself just to be accepted by others?
3. What if the right people will only recognize me once I stop pretending to be someone I’m not?

Affirmations for Courage & Authenticity:

🌿 I am worthy of love and belonging, just as I am.

🌿 Rejection does not define me—it redirects me to where I truly belong.

🌿 The more I embrace my true self, the more I attract the right people and opportunities into my life.

Authenticity is your superpower. When you stop fearing rejection, you open the door to deeper connections and real fulfillment.

3. Quieting Overthinking & Releasing Anxiety About Others' Perceptions

Do you ever find yourself replaying conversations in your head, questioning if you said the wrong thing? Wondering if people think you’re awkward? Worrying that they’re silently judging you? This spiral of over analysis—common in social anxiety and perfectionism—creates unnecessary self-doubt, hesitation, and emotional exhaustion.

But here’s the truth: most people are too preoccupied with their own thoughts, insecurities, and worries to analyze yours as deeply as you fear. And even if they do form an opinion, it does not define you. Your worth is not up for debate.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Am I assuming what others think of me, or do I have real evidence to support my fears?
2. What positive things could I focus on if I redirected the energy I spend worrying about others’ opinions?
3. How would I speak, move, and show up differently if I fully trusted myself?

Affirmations for Inner Peace & Self-Trust:

🌿 I trust myself and let go of the need to overthink.

🌿 I am worthy just as I am—no approval required.

🌿 I focus on being present rather than worrying about how I am perceived.

The more you trust yourself, the quieter your mind becomes. Instead of seeking validation, give yourself permission to simply exist—fully, unapologetically, and freely. 

4. Healing from Past Trauma & Emotional Wounds

Painful past experiences—bullying, parental criticism, public humiliation—leave emotional scars that can make us fear judgment or rejection. These wounds shape our beliefs about ourselves, often leading us to seek approval or avoid expressing our true selves. But your past does not have to define your present. Healing begins when you recognize that your worth was never determined by how others treated you.

Reflection Prompts:

1. What past experience still influences how I see myself today, and is it time to release it?
2. If I separate my true identity from the hurtful words or actions of others, who am I at my core?
3. How can I show compassion to my younger self and remind them they were always worthy of love and respect?

Affirmations for Healing & Self-Worth:

🌿 My past does not define me—I choose to create a new, empowering story.

🌿 I release the fear of judgment and embrace my true self with love and confidence.

🌿 I am worthy, whole, and enough, just as I am.

Healing is not about erasing the past—it’s about reclaiming your power in the present. Your story is still being written, and you hold the pen. 

5. Breaking Free from Social Media Comparison & Fear of Public Judgment

In the age of social media, cancel culture, and online scrutiny, the pressure to be “likable” is stronger than ever. Many hesitate to speak their truth, fearing backlash, criticism, or rejection. The constant comparison to curated online personas can make us feel like we’re not enough—unless we fit a certain mold. But true confidence isn’t found in likes, comments, or approval. It comes from within.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Am I shaping my opinions, choices, or self-expression based on what feels true to me, or based on how I think others will react?
2. How does social media influence my self-worth, and what boundaries can I set to protect my peace?
3. If I weren’t afraid of judgment, what truth would I share more boldly?

Affirmations for Self-Trust & Digital Freedom:

🌿 I do not need external validation to know my worth—I define it from within.

🌿 I release the fear of judgment and stand confidently in my truth.

🌿 The opinions of strangers do not dictate my life—I choose authenticity over approval.

You are not here to please the crowd—you are here to live your truth. The world needs your real, unfiltered voice. Speak it boldly. 

6. Releasing Perfectionism & Untangling Self-Worth from Performance

People-pleasers and high achievers often tie their self-worth to external validation—believing they must be perfect to be accepted. When faced with criticism, they internalize it as personal failure rather than just an opinion. But your worth is not measured by how flawlessly you perform or how others perceive you. It is inherent, unshakable, and not up for debate.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Do I believe I am worthy even when I am not achieving or performing?
2. How would I show up differently if I didn’t fear criticism or failure?
3. What is one small way I can practice self-acceptance, even when I make mistakes?

Affirmations for Self-Worth & Inner Freedom:

🌿 I am worthy, not because of what I do, but because of who I am.

🌿 I embrace mistakes as part of growth, not as a measure of my value.

🌿 I release the need for perfection and allow myself to simply be.

You don’t have to prove your worth—it was never conditional to begin with. Let go of the pressure to be perfect, and embrace the freedom of being real. 

7. Strengthening Self-Identity & Cultivating Inner Validation

When we lack a clear sense of self, values, or purpose, we naturally look to others for guidance and approval. Without a strong inner compass, it’s easy to be swayed by external opinions, questioning what’s “right” instead of trusting our own intuition. But the more you define yourself from within, the less you need validation from the outside world.

Reflection Prompts:

1. What are my core values, and am I living in alignment with them?
2. Where in my life am I outsourcing decisions to others instead of trusting my own judgment?
3. How can I strengthen my inner voice so I rely less on external approval?

Affirmations for Inner Trust & Self-Identity:

🌿 I trust myself to make the right choices for my life.

🌿 My worth is rooted in who I am, not in how others perceive me.

🌿 I am my own guide—I define my path with confidence and clarity.

The more you connect with your authentic self, the stronger your inner compass becomes. You already have the wisdom you seek—trust it. 

8. Embracing Boundaries Without Guilt

Many people struggle to set boundaries because they fear confrontation, don’t want to disappoint others, or feel responsible for everyone’s happiness. They say "yes" when they mean "no" and compromise their own well-being just to keep the peace. But true self-respect comes from honouring your needs—without guilt, without apology.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Where in my life am I saying "yes" when I really want to say "no"?
2. What is the worst that could happen if I set a boundary? And what is the best that could happen?
3. How would my energy and peace improve if I prioritized my own well-being?

Affirmations for Strong & Healthy Boundaries:

🌿 Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, not selfishness.

🌿 I am allowed to say "no" without explaining or feeling guilty.

🌿 My needs and feelings are just as important as anyone else’s.

You are not responsible for managing how others feel about your boundaries. Protecting your energy is an act of self-love—and you deserve it. 

9. Releasing Societal Conditioning & Cultural Expectations

In many cultures, family expectations, community reputation, and the pressure to "fit in" hold immense weight. From a young age, we are taught to prioritize what others think—sometimes at the cost of our own dreams, values, and authenticity. This conditioning creates guilt and fear around breaking free from external expectations. But true fulfillment comes from honoring your own path, even when it goes against tradition.

Reflection Prompts:

1. What expectations have I absorbed from my culture or family that no longer align with who I truly am?
2. Am I living my life for myself or for the approval of others?
3. How can I begin to release guilt while still respecting my roots and personal truth?

Affirmations for Authentic Living & Inner Freedom:

🌿 I honor my culture while also honouring my true self.

🌿 I release guilt and give myself permission to live life on my own terms.

🌿 My worth is not defined by tradition—I am free to create my own path.

Breaking free from societal conditioning doesn’t mean disrespecting where you come from—it means embracing who you are meant to be. Your life is yours to live. ✨

10. Protecting Your Energy as an Empath

Highly empathetic people deeply absorb others' emotions, criticism, and judgments, making it difficult to detach from negative opinions. They feel responsible for how others react, often sacrificing their own peace to keep others comfortable. But being compassionate doesn’t mean carrying the emotional burdens of others—you can care without overextending yourself.

Reflection Prompts:

1. Am I taking on emotions that don’t belong to me?
2. How can I create an emotional boundary without feeling guilty?
3. What would change in my life if I prioritized protecting my own energy first?

Affirmations for Healthy Emotional Boundaries:

🌿 I can be kind and empathetic while still protecting my own peace.

🌿 I release the need to take responsibility for others' emotions.

🌿 My energy is sacred, and I choose to guard it with love and intention.

Your sensitivity is a gift—but only when it’s balanced with self-care. Protect your energy, and watch how much lighter you feel. 

Looking Ahead

I hope this week’s edition gave you hope, courage, and inspiration to let go of opinions that don’t serve you. Remember, every opinion is just a point of view. Some are mere projections of people’s own past hurts and wounds. But others? They are a gift—an invitation to look inward, to transform pain into power, and to turn wounds into worth.

Healing happens step by step. And once you heal your past, you can create a future you love—one where you embrace the present moment with peace, confidence, and joy.

💡 What challenge or affirmation resonated with you the most?

Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Love & Gratitude,

Nadja 💖💜💙

P.S. If you want to dive deeper into the world of emotional intelligence, explore our Thrive with EQ community—your space to grow, heal, and build a life you love!